sad girl core

The fact is: i am madly in love with my boyfriend. I am so in love, but like, I don't even know if I've felt this way before. And I cried a lot when my ex broke up with me but this sensation doesn't compare at all with what I felt when I was with him. I am going to my babe's hometown while listening to Lana and Taylor, and super excited because we're going to spend a couple days together and my heart just explodes when I think about it. I love him. A lot. I finally let those doubts and insecurities behind and I'm so ready to be his, forever, and that's a lot to say, but I'm fucking ready. He's literally perfect, even when he bites me and leaves me with bruises all over my body. Even when he forces me to drink coffee and eat crazy food. He's hilarious and unique. I'm so glad I found him, I'm so glad I got to work where I work because that's where I met him. I'm so glad he liked me and gave me a chance. I'm fucking i...

After a long time suffering because of my almost ex boyfriend, I no longer have sadness in my life, instead of that, I'm feeling happy and in love again. My boyfriend now is nothing like my ex, he's lovely, caring, funny, he understands me better, he shows me he likes me, he doesn't argue with me at all, we don't fight over stupid things, everything in out relationship is beautiful. I'm still trying to fully trust him and I'm finally starting to worry less about things and leaving behind my insecurities.  We spent almost a week together and it was perfect. I miss him now because we're apart, I feel these butterflies in my stomach and I can't wait to see him again.  I don't want this to end. Only time will tell.

Today I felt nothing. After all the interactions we had, I felt nothing. I felt nothing when you were there smoking with me, I felt nothing when you said hi. I felt nothing when you were seated just by my side on the bus. I felt nothing. You were quiet, almost trying to avoid me, and I was okay with that. It didn't hurt me, I didn't miss you, I wasn't sad. I was at peace, I was okay, I was doing my thing and I was missing my new dude. Something in my head did a click. After 4 months of missing you, crying for you... I think the moment where I finally let you go has come. And I truly wish you the best, I wish you meet someone you adore, you like so so much, and someone who truly loves you. Because you're an exceptional person and you deserve to be happy and fulfilled. Good riddance, boy.

Today is a difficult day. It started cute, then it went down as fuck and I don't know why, but I miss you so so much it hurts so bad. I can't stop crying, I can't stop thinking of you, I can't stop telling to myself that I'm stupid, so stupid because I should've done things differently, I wish I could go back in time, it fucking hurts! I miss you!  And it hurts terribly because no one knows about this pain, not even you, maybe you realise I'm having a bad moment but you'll never know it hurts this way. Because I don't show it to anyone, not my family, not my friends, not my new lover, not you, no one knows. I'm drowning myself with this feeling, I'm closing myself so nobody knows how I feel. I'm closing myself so you don't know I cry often because I love you and I don't think I'll ever stop loving you.  I feel terrible but just on my inside. You'll never be able to see it.

I really can't forget him, I keep remembering the moments we were together, the things we used to do, the things we wanted to do and we never did. And it's been 4 months since the break up, but it still hurts. Sadly, because I'm seeing someone else who's super funny, smart, cute, caring, lovely... And I like him a lot, I liked him since the first time I saw him, so I don't understand what's wrong with me. Why can't I fully enjoy my time with this new person, why can't I finally get over my past relationship.  Why did it finish? It was the most stupid break up ever, because we were in love, we were perfect together, we were everything. Why did you make it so difficult? 

I am so confused. I am missing him , but I'm not seeing him anymore.  I'm seeing him instead, and he seems nice, pretty much actually, but something feels off. He seems too good to be real. I think he's a liar. And maybe he's acting like that because we're not official, but I feel like if we start something serious I wouldn't be able to trust him , so that would be chaotic. I am not a toxic person, I never was. But I don't know why but I feel like I would be if I get to be with him . Such a shame because I like him a lot, he's attractive as fuck. He's funny, interesting, cute, but I don't know why, but I feel it's everything a mask. I feel like he's hiding his real self. I don't believe a word he says and it's sad. So I'm so confused. I'm trying to be with other guys too so I don't feel so attached to him like what he's doing, he's seeing other girls. Honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing....

I don't wanna feel blue anymore 🎵🎶 I am truly trying. I'm making an effort. I'm trying not to feel sad, I've been laughing and having good times with people. I'm not closing myself, I'm meeting new people. I just can't stop feeling down. I can't stop missing people. I can't stop thinking about moments with these people I miss. I miss my almost ex boyfriend. I miss my father. I miss them so much. I look at the pic of my father and I can't believe he's gone, it's crazy. I can't stop feeling terrible because I feel like I owe him an apology, I don't know, I'd give him a giant hug for the last time. I'm so sorry, I love you so so much.  I miss talking to my almost ex boyfriend about this. He'll be in my memories forever. What a man. Unique. He's almost impossible to forget, but I'm truly trying. 

It's such a cliché when we say that life's too short. That doesn't make it less true unfortunately.  I've seen how my father died from one day to another. How he went to bed and the next day he woke up thinking about having breakfast but instead he had a stroke and died. I've seen his last WhatsApp connection while he was almost dead and it was like 8 hours ago. He was alive 8 hours ago at that time. So yes, life's too short. He wanted to travel alone. He wanted to visit a lot of places. He wanted to go to a lot of concerts. He wanted to have a lot of delicious meals. He wanted to visit his friends. He wanted to see me. He wanted to live for a couple more years. He couldn't. So every day I live, I have this mindset of doing what I really like. Doing what I love. Fuck everything, if it's something that makes me happy, that doesn't hurt me, doesn't hurt anyone, let's go then.  I can't comprehend that are people that don't th...

Spending my day off crying because you don't love me the way I love you. You don't want me the same way I want you. My days are grey, but I hope yours are brighter. My mood is always terrible but I hope yours is better. I always dream about coming back with you, but I hope you can move on and feel good.  I feel terrible, and I love you so much so I wish you don't feel the same way. Because it hurts a lot, it's tiring, exhausting, painful, scarring. Not knowing what you did wrong to deserve that amount of pain, not knowing why you can't be with someone you love so deeply, and who loves you back, not knowing why you can't be happy with your soulmate, it's a drowning feeling, it desperates me so I hope you truly are okay. You are a sunshine, please don't feel down.

You don't want to be around me at all, I can feel it. And it breaks my heart.  You don't wanna hear about me, you just want to erase me from your life and pretend like I never existed. Like you never met me. You never spent time with me, entire nights with me. Like I am a random one from your work environment.  You have a super strong mind and you can control your feelings very well. Your ethics are more powerful than what you feel, and that's impressive.  It's sad how you are missing a cute love story just because of your stubbornness. Sad to me, not to you. Because you're missing a lot. Not only great experiences, but most importantly, you're leaving a person who loved and loves you from the bottom of her heart, who loves you purely and warningly because you worth it. Who would do anything for you, who wanted a future with you, who wanted a future with someone for the first time.  And she doesn't want to be with anyone else, the idea of it just...

You went to a party I heard from everybody You part the crowd like the red sea Don't even get me started Did you get anxious, though On the way home? I guess I'll never ever know Now that we don't talk You grew your hair long You got new icons And from the outside It looks like you're trying lives on I miss the old ways You didn't have to change But I guess I don't have a say Now that we don't talk I call my mom, she said that it was for the best Remind myself the morе I gave, you'd want me less I cannot bе your friend, so I pay the price of what I lost And what it cost, now that we don't talk What do you tell your friends we Shared dinners, long weekends with? Truth is, I can't pretend it's Platonic, it's just ended, so I call my mom, she said to get it off my chest Remind myself the way you faded till I left I cannot be your friend, so I pay the price of what I lost And what it cost, now that we don't talk I don't ha...

Friends break up, friends get married Strangers get born, strangers get buried Trends change, rumors fly through new skies But I'm right where you left me Matches burn after the other Pages turn and stick to each other Wages earned and lessons learned But I, I'm right where you left me Help, I'm still at the restaurant Still sitting in a corner I haunt Cross-legged in the dim light They say, "What a sad sight" I, I swear you could hear a hair pin drop Right when I felt the moment stop Glass shattered on the white cloth Everybody moved on I, I stayed there Dust collected on my pinned-up hair They expected me to find somewhere Some perspective, but I sat and stared Right where you left me

I want to love you properly I want to take care of you I want to protect you from people or things that might hurt you I want to take care of you when you're sick I want to give you gifts for your birthday I want to give you gifts just because you make me feel happy and loved  I want to give you gifts because you deserve it, because you're lovely, kind and full of love  I want to sleep by your side  I want to stay awake while you sleep, I want to watch you sleeping I want to go places with you, I want to search new places constantly to visit with you I want to stay at home with you I want to show you everything I accomplished while you weren't here I want to kiss you in your forehead, your lips, your cheeks I want to pamper you everyday I want to touch your hair slowly with my pale fingers I want to make you laugh, I want to make you happy I want to make you feel like you're enough I want to make you understand that you're on my mind all the time I want ...

So after a few weeks, we are back.  "My boyfriend's back, and he's cooler than ever." Well he's not my boyfriend but that's what Lana said and I'm just quoting her lyrics.  We talked, we agreed, we are together again. And it was so obvious, that was the right thing to do. Because... Come on. We're the best couple you'll ever meet.  ♥️

I had to come back to this because I find that writing about my emotions and what's happening makes me feel a little better.  Suddenly I almost had everything I wanted. I had good friends, a healthy family, a place for myself, no more sharing it with family or friends. And finally met a cute guy I liked and he liked me back, it was so awesome at first. We started to see eachother and we started a relationship where everything was beautiful. We spent nights together ordering food, watching movies together, going to sleep at 6 am, planning to go to places together, both being so confident and connecting so good but now that's in the past because of his thoughts. He never wanted a serious relationship with me, he never trusted in me, he says he's insecure about us but if he only knew how much i like him, if he only knew... How happy I was when I started talking to him, when I thought "I fucking finally met a decent guy, a man who's really worthy of meet an...

It's me again, crazy.  August is the worst month of the year for me.  Immediately starts and I feel terribly sad, uncomfortable, annoyed, like if something bad is going to happen. Well some bad things happened in August. And I don't want to think about it, I don't want to remember, I don't want to be sad, I want to be happy, I want to continue in this state of mind where I'm good and laughing and in peace all the time because now life is good and it smiles at me.  I don't want to confront the sad memories.  I miss you both, tho. 

I'm not like super super happy but I've been feeling so much better lately. I even forgot to post new entries here because I'm always busy working or doing some home chores or simply hanging out with my coworkers ( friends! If you ask me ) so sometimes I joke about it and say ironically that life smiles at me but I really think it's kinda true. I feel free, in peace, a bit nostalgic about some things but it's not that serious. I feel good. I feel motivated, curious about things again, I remember I was so depressed I even lost curiosity about things and that honestly wasn't me! But now it looks like everything is starting to fall into place and it's so cute I start to feel emotional. I feel like I've been in such at a bad place for so many time that seeing myself like this now feels unrealistic, crazy, untrue but amazing!  I even used to not have interest in anyone, and now I'm doing crazy things I barely recognize myself, I used to have i...

I've been actually enjoying life the last months. Reading my old posts feels strange because I was such at a low point in my life back then and now it feels so different, luckily. Everything changed like, A LOT and I'm very grateful for that. I'm finally starting to get everything I ever wanted and I feel like I can be where I really want to be very soon.  Nice. I'm living again. 

Im reading a book, making a pudding, listening to music, but nothing seems to work, I still feel like shit and I'm afraid this will continue for the next days. Christmas is coming and I have to reunite with my family and don't want them to see me like this. I hope I can recover soon.  Dad I love u. And miss u. I'm sorry.

I really don't have any kind of energy or strength anymore, I feel like I reach a new level of depression everyday and it's exhausting and tiring and painful and so so sad and I don't know what to do with myself. I don't even care about caps lmao I just needed to write about this today because I've been feeling like shit the whole day. So many emotions and reasons I feel bad, my father is dead and I miss him so much when I finally stop avoiding the memories and think about our moments together and everything he did for me and how shitty I was with him and everything I could do to make him feel better and I didn't, I just wish I could say sorry for the last time but that's not possible. And I'm here laying in bed in the dark alone crying in silence with my face all red and wet and with my body shaking wishing I could talk to someone about this but then I remember I'm not able to because I hate to tell others about my problems at the same t...