sad

I had to come back to this because I find that writing about my emotions and what's happening makes me feel a little better. 

Suddenly I almost had everything I wanted. I had good friends, a healthy family, a place for myself, no more sharing it with family or friends. And finally met a cute guy I liked and he liked me back, it was so awesome at first. We started to see eachother and we started a relationship where everything was beautiful. We spent nights together ordering food, watching movies together, going to sleep at 6 am, planning to go to places together, both being so confident and connecting so good but now that's in the past because of his thoughts. He never wanted a serious relationship with me, he never trusted in me, he says he's insecure about us but if he only knew how much i like him, if he only knew... How happy I was when I started talking to him, when I thought "I fucking finally met a decent guy, a man who's really worthy of meet and start to get to know". If only he could see himself through my eyes, would know the excitement I felt during the days we were together, the excitement I felt when finally got with someone that good after years of dealing with guys I didn't really liked, and with dark and sad moments. My life became perfect for a second. Now I'm just trying to convince him to be my friend so I don't lose him forever, something I would never do before. But he is so cute, smart, he has such a good heart. If only his insecurities weren't in the middle of us... I wouldn't be crying here before going to work. 

💔

Life is shitty but not too much. I said that to him, but it wasn't enough I guess.