sad girl core

Friends break up, friends get married Strangers get born, strangers get buried Trends change, rumors fly through new skies But I'm right where you left me Matches burn after the other Pages turn and stick to each other Wages earned and lessons learned But I, I'm right where you left me Help, I'm still at the restaurant Still sitting in a corner I haunt Cross-legged in the dim light They say, "What a sad sight" I, I swear you could hear a hair pin drop Right when I felt the moment stop Glass shattered on the white cloth Everybody moved on I, I stayed there Dust collected on my pinned-up hair They expected me to find somewhere Some perspective, but I sat and stared Right where you left me

I want to love you properly I want to take care of you I want to protect you from people or things that might hurt you I want to take care of you when you're sick I want to give you gifts for your birthday I want to give you gifts just because you make me feel happy and loved  I want to give you gifts because you deserve it, because you're lovely, kind and full of love  I want to sleep by your side  I want to stay awake while you sleep, I want to watch you sleeping I want to go places with you, I want to search new places constantly to visit with you I want to stay at home with you I want to show you everything I accomplished while you weren't here I want to kiss you in your forehead, your lips, your cheeks I want to pamper you everyday I want to touch your hair slowly with my pale fingers I want to make you laugh, I want to make you happy I want to make you feel like you're enough I want to make you understand that you're on my mind all the time I want ...

So after a few weeks, we are back.  "My boyfriend's back, and he's cooler than ever." Well he's not my boyfriend but that's what Lana said and I'm just quoting her lyrics.  We talked, we agreed, we are together again. And it was so obvious, that was the right thing to do. Because... Come on. We're the best couple you'll ever meet.  ♥️

I had to come back to this because I find that writing about my emotions and what's happening makes me feel a little better.  Suddenly I almost had everything I wanted. I had good friends, a healthy family, a place for myself, no more sharing it with family or friends. And finally met a cute guy I liked and he liked me back, it was so awesome at first. We started to see eachother and we started a relationship where everything was beautiful. We spent nights together ordering food, watching movies together, going to sleep at 6 am, planning to go to places together, both being so confident and connecting so good but now that's in the past because of his thoughts. He never wanted a serious relationship with me, he never trusted in me, he says he's insecure about us but if he only knew how much i like him, if he only knew... How happy I was when I started talking to him, when I thought "I fucking finally met a decent guy, a man who's really worthy of meet an...

It's me again, crazy.  August is the worst month of the year for me.  Immediately starts and I feel terribly sad, uncomfortable, annoyed, like if something bad is going to happen. Well some bad things happened in August. And I don't want to think about it, I don't want to remember, I don't want to be sad, I want to be happy, I want to continue in this state of mind where I'm good and laughing and in peace all the time because now life is good and it smiles at me.  I don't want to confront the sad memories.  I miss you both, tho. 

I'm not like super super happy but I've been feeling so much better lately. I even forgot to post new entries here because I'm always busy working or doing some home chores or simply hanging out with my coworkers ( friends! If you ask me ) so sometimes I joke about it and say ironically that life smiles at me but I really think it's kinda true. I feel free, in peace, a bit nostalgic about some things but it's not that serious. I feel good. I feel motivated, curious about things again, I remember I was so depressed I even lost curiosity about things and that honestly wasn't me! But now it looks like everything is starting to fall into place and it's so cute I start to feel emotional. I feel like I've been in such at a bad place for so many time that seeing myself like this now feels unrealistic, crazy, untrue but amazing!  I even used to not have interest in anyone, and now I'm doing crazy things I barely recognize myself, I used to have i...

I've been actually enjoying life the last months. Reading my old posts feels strange because I was such at a low point in my life back then and now it feels so different, luckily. Everything changed like, A LOT and I'm very grateful for that. I'm finally starting to get everything I ever wanted and I feel like I can be where I really want to be very soon.  Nice. I'm living again.