sad girl core

sometimes i feel like i should treat  myself better because im so harsh on me and i start thinking about all the mistakes ive made during my entire life even when i was a damn child like ? you were a child its normal to do stupid things when youre a little girl but i just think about all the mistakes even the smallest ones that no one remembers and i feel embarrassed and i hate myself, but yesterday i realized everyone makes mistakes, im not the only one, nobodys perfect duh so chill, honey, dont be so perfectionist, youre reaching unhealthy levels boo. be nice to yourself. youve done nothing serious to worry about, youve not killed anyone, not even cheated on a boyfriend, ever. just be nice and treat yourself better. your mistakes make you feel cringy about yourself but everyone does that kind of stupid things, some people do even worst shit, and some of them are proud of it / dont regret it.

yesterday deleted some tweets i tweeted like 4 years ago because they were so embarrassingly ridiculous. how can a person change like that in such a short period of time. is that a short period of time? because it is to me. thats why i dont get why couples that dated for like two years decide to marry and have children, its a short period of time to me lmao they barely know eachother. of course im joking.  but yeah, now i just try not to be stupid like i was in 2017.  already failing. i guess its in my genes or its just my essence.  writing everything without capital letters is on purpose i swear. i dont like capital letters. 

thats what im listening to right now while it rains like never  covid cases are rising again and my heads exploding because of it, im fucking tired of this pandemic and the people that doesnt care about an entire countrys situation. my future depends on it, i really need this shit to end but vaccines are nowhere to be found and people are stupid af. i just listen to the music and wish everything will be okay again.

whats the right way to handle the losing of a loved one? my aunt is always talking about mental illness and what we should do to keep our mind healthy. i lost my grand parents a couple years ago and last year i lost my father in one day. i woke up that morning with the afwul news. my uncle always cries because of course he misses my grand parents, his parents, hes really trying but he misses them so much he cries very often, sometimes in front of his family, in front of everyone. i do the opposite and rarely cry, almost never in front of people, just in front of my mother and just one time. but i cant cry, i dont want to. it fucking hurts and my dads not coming back, i miss him and i would love to say things to him but hes not here anymore. i dont cry, i try to think about something else when i start to tear up, i try to keep my mind busy. my aunt says my uncle is dealing with the grief the wrong way, she says he needs psychological help because he seems like he wants to suffer, he wan...

this shits depressing lol does it even exist such a thing? a perfect day, who knows, i think there are lucky people but im not one of them. a perfect day for me would be a rainy grey day, or even a snowy and cold one, so so cold. a grey day. friday. turning the alarm off, brushing my teeth, taking a warm shower, brushing my hair, dressing up with cute clothes, drinking a cup of hot tea with a croissant or a sweet toast. putting my warm coat on, my big scarf and leaving home, going to work, while the cold wind smashes my face and turns my nose red. working my ass off to get paid decent at the end of the month, because im poor and i have to be realistic even if im dreaming about a perfect day. finishing work, going to the supermarket, buying lots of fruits and fish, and yogurt because i love that shit, strawberry flavored. cant forget the chocolates.  coming back home, taking out my shoes and coat, taking another warm shower, playing videogames, watching some movie or serie, making a...

Just came here to complain about the shit life is sometimes. I know I’m not original and I don’t want to be it at all. I just want to say this year has been all about ups and downs, and those downs had been super downs and left me completely vulnerable. Sometimes I feel like I’m laying on the floor fully in pain because someone just kicked the hell off of me. I feel fragmented, broken and trying to fix myself again. I still have hope, tho.