sad girl core

Today I felt nothing. After all the interactions we had, I felt nothing. I felt nothing when you were there smoking with me, I felt nothing when you said hi. I felt nothing when you were seated just by my side on the bus. I felt nothing. You were quiet, almost trying to avoid me, and I was okay with that. It didn't hurt me, I didn't miss you, I wasn't sad. I was at peace, I was okay, I was doing my thing and I was missing my new dude. Something in my head did a click. After 4 months of missing you, crying for you... I think the moment where I finally let you go has come. And I truly wish you the best, I wish you meet someone you adore, you like so so much, and someone who truly loves you. Because you're an exceptional person and you deserve to be happy and fulfilled. Good riddance, boy.

Today is a difficult day. It started cute, then it went down as fuck and I don't know why, but I miss you so so much it hurts so bad. I can't stop crying, I can't stop thinking of you, I can't stop telling to myself that I'm stupid, so stupid because I should've done things differently, I wish I could go back in time, it fucking hurts! I miss you!  And it hurts terribly because no one knows about this pain, not even you, maybe you realise I'm having a bad moment but you'll never know it hurts this way. Because I don't show it to anyone, not my family, not my friends, not my new lover, not you, no one knows. I'm drowning myself with this feeling, I'm closing myself so nobody knows how I feel. I'm closing myself so you don't know I cry often because I love you and I don't think I'll ever stop loving you.  I feel terrible but just on my inside. You'll never be able to see it.

I really can't forget him, I keep remembering the moments we were together, the things we used to do, the things we wanted to do and we never did. And it's been 4 months since the break up, but it still hurts. Sadly, because I'm seeing someone else who's super funny, smart, cute, caring, lovely... And I like him a lot, I liked him since the first time I saw him, so I don't understand what's wrong with me. Why can't I fully enjoy my time with this new person, why can't I finally get over my past relationship.  Why did it finish? It was the most stupid break up ever, because we were in love, we were perfect together, we were everything. Why did you make it so difficult?