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more love

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The fact is: i am madly in love with my boyfriend. I am so in love, but like, I don't even know if I've felt this way before. And I cried a lot when my ex broke up with me but this sensation doesn't compare at all with what I felt when I was with him. I am going to my babe's hometown while listening to Lana and Taylor, and super excited because we're going to spend a couple days together and my heart just explodes when I think about it. I love him. A lot. I finally let those doubts and insecurities behind and I'm so ready to be his, forever, and that's a lot to say, but I'm fucking ready. He's literally perfect, even when he bites me and leaves me with bruises all over my body. Even when he forces me to drink coffee and eat crazy food. He's hilarious and unique. I'm so glad I found him, I'm so glad I got to work where I work because that's where I met him. I'm so glad he liked me and gave me a chance. I'm fucking i...
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love love love

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After a long time suffering because of my almost ex boyfriend, I no longer have sadness in my life, instead of that, I'm feeling happy and in love again. My boyfriend now is nothing like my ex, he's lovely, caring, funny, he understands me better, he shows me he likes me, he doesn't argue with me at all, we don't fight over stupid things, everything in out relationship is beautiful. I'm still trying to fully trust him and I'm finally starting to worry less about things and leaving behind my insecurities.  We spent almost a week together and it was perfect. I miss him now because we're apart, I feel these butterflies in my stomach and I can't wait to see him again.  I don't want this to end. Only time will tell.
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peace

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Today I felt nothing. After all the interactions we had, I felt nothing. I felt nothing when you were there smoking with me, I felt nothing when you said hi. I felt nothing when you were seated just by my side on the bus. I felt nothing. You were quiet, almost trying to avoid me, and I was okay with that. It didn't hurt me, I didn't miss you, I wasn't sad. I was at peace, I was okay, I was doing my thing and I was missing my new dude. Something in my head did a click. After 4 months of missing you, crying for you... I think the moment where I finally let you go has come. And I truly wish you the best, I wish you meet someone you adore, you like so so much, and someone who truly loves you. Because you're an exceptional person and you deserve to be happy and fulfilled. Good riddance, boy.
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inside

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Today is a difficult day. It started cute, then it went down as fuck and I don't know why, but I miss you so so much it hurts so bad. I can't stop crying, I can't stop thinking of you, I can't stop telling to myself that I'm stupid, so stupid because I should've done things differently, I wish I could go back in time, it fucking hurts! I miss you!  And it hurts terribly because no one knows about this pain, not even you, maybe you realise I'm having a bad moment but you'll never know it hurts this way. Because I don't show it to anyone, not my family, not my friends, not my new lover, not you, no one knows. I'm drowning myself with this feeling, I'm closing myself so nobody knows how I feel. I'm closing myself so you don't know I cry often because I love you and I don't think I'll ever stop loving you.  I feel terrible but just on my inside. You'll never be able to see it.
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why

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I really can't forget him, I keep remembering the moments we were together, the things we used to do, the things we wanted to do and we never did. And it's been 4 months since the break up, but it still hurts. Sadly, because I'm seeing someone else who's super funny, smart, cute, caring, lovely... And I like him a lot, I liked him since the first time I saw him, so I don't understand what's wrong with me. Why can't I fully enjoy my time with this new person, why can't I finally get over my past relationship.  Why did it finish? It was the most stupid break up ever, because we were in love, we were perfect together, we were everything. Why did you make it so difficult? 
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crazy thoughts

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I am so confused. I am missing him , but I'm not seeing him anymore.  I'm seeing him instead, and he seems nice, pretty much actually, but something feels off. He seems too good to be real. I think he's a liar. And maybe he's acting like that because we're not official, but I feel like if we start something serious I wouldn't be able to trust him , so that would be chaotic. I am not a toxic person, I never was. But I don't know why but I feel like I would be if I get to be with him . Such a shame because I like him a lot, he's attractive as fuck. He's funny, interesting, cute, but I don't know why, but I feel it's everything a mask. I feel like he's hiding his real self. I don't believe a word he says and it's sad. So I'm so confused. I'm trying to be with other guys too so I don't feel so attached to him like what he's doing, he's seeing other girls. Honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing....
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truly trying

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I don't wanna feel blue anymore 🎵🎶 I am truly trying. I'm making an effort. I'm trying not to feel sad, I've been laughing and having good times with people. I'm not closing myself, I'm meeting new people. I just can't stop feeling down. I can't stop missing people. I can't stop thinking about moments with these people I miss. I miss my almost ex boyfriend. I miss my father. I miss them so much. I look at the pic of my father and I can't believe he's gone, it's crazy. I can't stop feeling terrible because I feel like I owe him an apology, I don't know, I'd give him a giant hug for the last time. I'm so sorry, I love you so so much.  I miss talking to my almost ex boyfriend about this. He'll be in my memories forever. What a man. Unique. He's almost impossible to forget, but I'm truly trying. 
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